Interviewing Elvis

Some time ago, a communications company I was working with asked me to interview a sales candidate for them.

"You've never seen anything like him!" they told me. "He's a walking miracle, the ideal salesman!"...

They brought a guy of about 22 into my room, and if I had to give him a name, I'd have called him "Elvis" (Presley)! Handsome, tall, black-haired, athletic, all smiles, brimming with self-confidence, well-spoken, you name it...

I sat on one side of the table and motioned for him to sit across from me. The guy took the chair and sat down right next to me... (this isn't an interviewee, this is a buddy...)

I turned to him and asked: "Do you have a résumé?"

"Oh, absolutely!" he replied, and before my astonished eyes he pulled a thick booklet out of his bag...

I thought to myself: a 22-year-old, what could he possibly have done already?

I started going through the booklet and discovered there wasn't a field the guy hadn't worked in. He'd already done it all (in Israel and abroad). But I noticed that nowhere in the entire booklet did the words "from year X to year Y" appear. It was all July to September, October to December and so on... Apparently the guy lasted three months everywhere. I guess he works in quarters...

I went on with the interview and asked: "And what did you do in the army?" He answers: "I was in pilot training, but it didn't interest me. I decided to leave..."

By now every red light in my head is flashing, and I keep going: "You know, this company does a lot of business abroad. How's your English?"

"Shakespearean!" he answers without missing a beat, and everything I'd eaten that day starts coming back up...

I went out to the company's managers and declared: "This man couldn't sell a shoelace!"

"You're crazy," they told me.

"So I'm crazy," I replied, and added: "But I'm telling you, as someone who has devoted his whole life to this profession, this man couldn't sell a shoelace. Do whatever you want!"

Amazingly, they took my advice. He didn't get the job.

A short while later, my wife and I went to a restaurant in Haifa (Popolo, in the Romema neighborhood), and who do I see at the entrance? Elvis...

"What are you doing here?" I asked. "I'm a shift manager," he answered. "And are you happy here?" I added. "Very!" he replied. "Mabrouk!" (congratulations, in the Arabic slang Israelis love) I said, and we sat down to eat.

All through the meal I can hear him at the other tables, sweet as honey. Someone asks: "What sauce does this fish come with?"

"It's a sweet-and-sour sauce," he answers, practically drooling. "It's a sauce that just slides right down your throat," he adds. "You could drink the sauce without the fish..."

"Do you hear that?" I said to my wife. "And I said he couldn't sell a shoelace..."

A month later we came back to "check out" another dish at the same restaurant, and I asked, "Where's that Elvis guy, the shift manager?" "He doesn't work here anymore," they told me.

"The quarter's over..." I said to my wife, and forgot all about it.

A few months later I opened a regular course at MATI (one of Israel's small business development centers), and who do I see in the class? Elvis.

"What do you do these days?" I asked. "I have a bicycle business," he answered. "And are you happy?" I added. "Very!" he replied. "Mabrouk!" I said, and went on with the course.

The first two days of training went great. At the end of the third day he came up to me at my car and, with tears in his eyes, told me that the bike business was about to go under. He'd already been flagged as a "restricted customer" (in Israel, that's what the banks call you after too many bounced checks). Then he added: "Over the holidays, a 13-year-old kid works for me and sells bikes, and I can't manage to sell a single one..." And then he just couldn't help himself, and added with a superior air: "And I actually know a thing or two about bikes..."

The bike business is long gone. Where that Elvis is today, I don't know, but one thing is clear: he had every quality you could want in a salesperson, with just one problem: he was relentlessly arrogant.

I can only guess how he sold those bikes. He probably greeted customers with, "Do you know anything about bikes, or should I dumb it down for you?"... And then he wondered why nobody bought from him.

Worth remembering: there's nothing more repulsive and off-putting than an arrogant salesperson!